Open Question: How do I deal with a mother-in-law like this?
Posted on Jun 02, 2009 under Wedding Cake Toppers Q&A |(A little background to give you an idea so you could maybe answer this question or at least give me a similar story and your solution)
My husband and I were married earlier this month (May). His mother offered to throw me a bridal shower and then bailed two weeks before and told me that she didn’t have time to hold a shower for me or a family shower for the two of us. I was hurt but I soldiered on because I love her son. 
For the wedding, my husband and I were trying our best to take care of everything ourselves (planning and financially). My parents took care of the bar and the rental of the hall. We paid for everything else and his mom offered to take care of our cake. I thought that would be something special she could do for us. Three weeks before the wedding she decides its too much for her to do and she orders a wedding cake for us. I gave her the wedding cake topper that he and I decided on and thought it was very appropriate for the two of us (it’s called the pinch and the bride is pinching the grooms bottom) and she used the cake topper but turned it so no one would see the pinch so it just looks like a bride and groom standing there (boring!!!). She didnt tell me and I had to find out at the wedding. Now I wouldn’t have minded this switch if the cake was what I had asked for. She chose something that was more appropriate if she were to be getting married and didn’t tell me even though I asked her Friday how the cake was coming along (she told me it was great and I would really like it…). I didn’t really like the cake design and I could have chosen something more “Us” for my husband and I. The more I think about it,the more I am hurt that she couldn’t just be honest with me and let me choose another design…
Also, someone in her family (she swears it wasn’t her) moved the table labels around so her family had preferred seating and I found that out when I walked into the reception. I was mortified because I had spent hours setting it up to suit everyone’s ridiculous preferences (on my husband’s side) and everyone was pleased with it (obviously not because someone moved it later, after I thought I put everything in its rightful place). I was pretty sure she was the one saying that the wedding day was all about us…but it wasn’t about us at all when all was said and done…and I feel that she was sneaking around behind our backs so that I wouldn’t know until it was too late to do anything about it.
My questions are:
a. do you think this woman will continue to mettle in our life in this manner? (ie. not respecting our wishes in our own lives)
b. Do you think I am being unreasonable in being hurt about these little things (after I spent a lot of time making sure that everyone was okay with everything (note: my husband’s family is more mixed and messed up than can be imagined and all of his parents are pretty much selfish and rude))?
She was a great Future Mother In Law up until the week or so before the wedding. I was looking forward to her being my other ‘Mom’. My husband is on the same page as I am with everything. It’s been great to know that he and I can discuss these things and come out on the same page. He is being a great mediator and he is okay that I am just avoiding her for a little while..he needs a break from her too.
I really appreciate the answers so far! Thank you for your thoughtful and helpful answers.
