Wedding Cake Toppers - more than just the icing!

Resolved Question: In law issues, looong story (sorry)… Need advice before baby is born!?

So my husband and I have been married for over 5 years now. We have tried to conceive a baby for 2 1/2 years and just this past December we found out we were finally pregnant! Well, we made our announcement X-mas day (which is also my husbands birthday) to his whole family. Everyone congratulated us and then my sister in law turned bright red and said sarcastically “oh, that’s nice” and went and plopped herself on the couch like she was mad or something… then right after that her husband had to add his two cents and say, “what do you expect us to say?” We were totally taken back - we didn’t even ask what their thoughts were on anything, so why would he say that to us? Finally, to top the icing on the cake, less than 5 minutes after our announcement my SIL states “yeah, we’re going to start trying again for a second and have a baby again by the summer also!” What hurt the most was noone even bothered to care about our announcement we made seconds before hand. They just all shifted the subject to her, saying “oh, do you hope for a girl this time”, “what names do you have picked out?”…. it sounds childish, I know, but noone even asked us how far along we were or anything…. it really hurt when everyone knew how much of a struggle this has been for my husband and I to conceive finally… and once again, they needed to steal the spot light.

So now the mother in law. She came to us in January asking why we haven’t talked to them since X-mas and we at first decided to just say nothing and keep it to ourselves, maybe it would boil over… Then she kept on asking so we finally talked to her about it. I told my mother in law how they acted and what her son in law said to us and you know what her response was? “Well you really caught them off guard, you didn’t give them the chance to say congratulations!” HUH???? Again, we didn’t say anything to them, they didn’t need to say anything to us… Doesn’t she realize how rude that was? Then worst, she started saying “you’re just jealous of my daughter”, “you’re mad you didn’t have a baby first”, going on with me, while my husband sat there as always and said nothing. I sat there balling my eyes out when finally I brought up EVERYTHING this wonderful daughter and son in law of hers have acted like over the years. I was so furious that she kept on with me that I just went off… First we get engaged, then they suddenly get engaged a week later, then her engagement ring - her ring is the same one as mine! When she showed it to me, she said “mine is in Platinum though”(like it was big deal that mine is White Gold, who cares?) The worst was when she asked to see my ring last year and held the center stone up to hers and said “I thought mine was slightly bigger”! HAHA Who cares I thought to myself once again! Then the wedding day. People in my own husbands family came up to me and asked if she borrowed my center pieces b/c they were exactly the same only in her wedding colors! And I know this will irritate some of you ladies out there! We stated we would always use the name Evan for a boy b/c there was meaning behind the name, can you all guess what name she named her son? Yep, she took that too, but we never said anything.. This just goes on and on with their constant copying and need to compete with everything… I don’t want to sound petty, so please please don’t judge me, as for years my husband and I never said anything and let it go and laugh at their obvious insecurities, but it just shocks me that my MIL would say I’M JEALOUS and that we caught them off guard!?!? Is she delusional? How can she think this? Yes, its her daughter, of course she’ll side with her (I would do the same), but my husband is her son also, and she treats him like he’s nothing.

I know the last thing I need to worry about is this… I’m blessed to have a healhty baby girl after a difficult pregnancy too when they found out she had a cyst on her brain, but I do need advice on a few things. The first is, would you take this as catching someone off guard just announcing your pregnant to a family member and does the sister in law and husband sound insecure or is it just us that feel that way? And finally, my mother in law called this weekend asking if she could come to the birth. My husband doesn’t even want to call his mother about the birth of our daughter until we get home from the hospital (which will be 2-3 days later), so what would you do? I have to say, he makes a good point about her not coming to the hospital so we don’t need to deal with another arguement or confrontation when this is a time for us to bond with our newborn baby, but at the same time I believe you don’t replace bad behavior with bad behavior and be vindictive either. I’m torn about it all since afterall, it is her grandmother, but again, we want to have a pleasant memory and stay at the hospital as well. So I don’t know what to do….

Sorry to write such a long drawn out story, I guess its been boiling unde
under our skin for years now and its all coming out finally. Please someone give my husband and I advice that is constructive and non judgemental…. I notice on here that people ask for helpful advice, and people respond back with hurtful unneccessary responses. I’m sorry again this is so long, I just figured it was best to put it all out there so it all makes sense… Thank you in advance for hearing us out and giving your advice! I just need to hear what others would do in this situation and if you’d have her at the hospital after all this was done during my pregnancy.
Thank you Joe… I was worried noone was going to respond… I hope I can get some feedback from others also, since I really don’t know what to do about calling her when the baby is born. I feel so sick about all of this and its tearing the family apart…


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